Telling lies? Think twice

You. Yes, the one reading this. You lied to someone today didn’t you? C’mon don’t be shy. Didn’t you lie to your mom about where you are going? Or didn’t you lie to your friends about having watched that movie? Didn’t you lie to your boss about why you need a holiday?

No?

You liar.

When we were kids we were taught that lying is bad (of course it is, what did you think?)  There were stories with morals of ‘truth always triumphs’ which we used to love.

Lying to rob a bank or ruin somebody’s life is unacceptable. But c’mon can we resist a tiny bit of lying now and then?

Those cute little white lies?

But there is an art to it too. The art that toes the thin line between lying for an easier life and lying for personal gain.

Being a good liar can be very useful indeed. Imagine all the late mornings you’ll get if you can lie. All the arguments you can win smoothly, all the friends you will make by lying (no that’s bad, backtrack, backtrack!)

I had a friend in school who used to lie so obviously, it was fun! She used to talk about her neighbour having an affair and wrap up an audience around a story about her friend coming out of the bathroom wearing a badly spun towel. Oh the attention she used to bask in!

She was a hoot! But everyone knew she was a big, fat liar! Because she never remembered her lies.

That’s the first important thing you need to have for lying, a good memory. Lies should be consistent. And the more number of lies you tell, the more you need to remember. And the best way to remember is to actually believe your lie.

So if you told everyone that you were out bowling on Thursday night, when you were actually kissing George Clooney in a bar, imagine yourself bowling. And believe your imagination. (Though I wonder why someone would not want to reveal they kissed George Clooney.)

Next, remember what Sherlock said- Only lies have detail.

So you are talking about the bowling night to your mother and you say, “Yeah I was bowling in the middle alley with Jimmy and Rhea. Rohan came in later at around 11 wearing his yellow jacket. And then we left around midnight for Jimmy’s house and slept.”

Why would your mom care? You don’t need to convince her. So just say, “I went bowling.” But keep this entire story woven up just in case she asks for details.

Third- this one needs a little practice.

When you lie add a little bit of truth in it. That will make your lie unbelievably believable.

“You know when you called yesterday, it was so hard to hear you! I was in the middle of crazy cheering, did you hear it?”

See, your mom was probably thinking why there was such a lot of hooting going on and must have imagined vodka shots but now she knows better!

Lying is something we think is wrong and bad. But we all lie. Hey, even our parents lied about how babies come on earth and why you should eat spinach. As long as we aren’t being mean and bitching and tearing someone apart, lying is not bad, it’s an important part of life.

So, you all, let’s hear it for the white lies that save us now and then. And yes, if you really need to tell lies, think twice. It can be embarrassing to be caught lying.

Happy Sunday!